If you haven't seen BS bingo and you work in an office

Your life just got 7% better! Read on:

*Disclaimer - I didn't come up with this one - though it seems like something along the lines of my thought patterns...*

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) the next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
Synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practice, bottom line, revisit, expeditious, to tell you the truth (or "the truth is), 24/7, out of the loop, benchmark, value-added, proactive, win-win, think outside the box, fast track, result-driven, knowledge base, at the end of the day, touch base, mindset, client focus(ed), paradigm, game plan, leverage.

3. Now check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
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"Real Testimonials" from satisfied players, after the jump...

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam W., Atlanta

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David T., Orlando

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan J., New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G., Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours. The Bullshit Bingo Championship will be played at the next meeting." - Rod H

Part 1 - Answers for Premarital Counseling questions -

1. What are your expectations for premarital counseling?

a) To break up the engagement realizing that we were not meant for each other because of issues brought up such as ‘I caught my wife stealing my socks from the laundry hamper’ there by perpetuating the myth that washing machines use socks for fuel -
b) Failing option a) converting to a Radical form of Pastafarianism which involves being neurotically suspicious of anything that is not adorned with Pasta, clothing must be embroidered with a Primary school pasta art project that has been approved by the Chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Council of the Estonian Resident Pasta Clerics Association.

2. What would you like to see accomplished during premarital counseling?

In spite of all the commitment and love that we show one another never to leave that we will agree to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. In which case – I would lose everything if we were to divorce.

3. If you were to describe your fiancé what would you say?

The most non loving person in the world would have their heart melt with her presence.
Hate, deceit, recklessness, and negligence are incapable of being even though up in her mind.
A plane crash worth of mourning parents, children and loved ones would be but a scratch of the sorrow I would feel if she left – eg. She is very important.

4. Describe your personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Full of hot steamy non-sexual passion.

5. If you had one passage from God’s Word that you would like your fiancé to incorporate into his/her life, what would it be?

Deuteronomy 25:11 – Never ever grab another man’s privates to give me an advantage in a fight. I’ll do the grabbing, you give him a swift kick to the head.

6. Describe your courtship – length, type. In what way will your courtship contribute to your marriage? Is there anything from your courtship that you would like to change after you’re married?

Length: Have you read the book War and Peace? I haven’t but I bet our courtship lasted the same amount of time as the fictional passage of time in the first 3 chapters.

Type: Heterosexual, which to this day I continue to question since my first menstruation 6 months ago.

Contribution: There were lawyers, lots of them, busy writing memo’s and stenciling blueprints of several undiscovered rectangular shapes for sandboxes – It was one litigation after another, eventually our case ran all the way up to the supreme court, where a football player judge and an alcoholic ex-brothel employee both agreed that courtship should not be settled in the court but rather in less stressful situations.
Changes: Cans will be crushed and not stacked into giant pyramids outside of our house to avoid anti-socials, brigands, and other ruthless wilders from ruining a otherwise perfect summer can stacking afternoon.

(to be continued)

Good news and Bad news

So i've got good news, bad news, really bad news, awful news and horrific news.

Bad news: Tax returns hard to do from china, but I found an online program called quicktax that allowed me to plug in all my numbers and get it done. Back in march when I discovered it, it claimed if you earned less then $20,000 dollars, they wouldn't charge you $19.99 for the service, which is great cause I don't have a credit card at the moment, and I would have to hassle Alice to pay for me (being the mooch that I am) so I procrastinate, and on April 16 finally decide to do my taxes online. I finish everything up and as I click on the 'review button' it tells me that I owe them money, but I thought it was free. So I REREAD the website, and apparently its free PRIOR to april 2, 2007. Great... ALICE!! I NEED TO USE YOUR CREDIT CARD!

really bad news: Even worse still is the price went up to $24.99 cause they had another disclaimer that said if you used the program after April 15, they would increase the charge by another $5 dollars... This is NOT helping me show Alice that i'm responsible at ALL.

awful news: During the past week there was a 'water splashing festival' here, its where if your caught outside on the day, you'll be soaked with water, from water guns pails, buckets and anything that can contain water from. So I was highly anticipating this day, and of course cause i'm a foreigner EVERYONE has to aim for me. (They even drop water from apartment building balconies!!) Well I wanted to take some pictures of the celebration, so I brought my camera in a NONAME zip lock bag. Big mistake, halfway through the festival, I take out my camera to take more pictures and the BAG IS soaked. I waited till my camera dried but yeah its busted. You might remember my first Digital camera busted when I was holding it while playing some football with 2 mexican kids in mexico. So When Alice and I have kids... the first one will be accidentally dropped, and the second one will drown... Great I can feel 'brownie points' being scored as Alice reads this.

Horrific news: There really isn't any good news.


On another note all the students were up late tonight as there was some sort of a frenzy at their dorms, apparently they saw a ghost or something, and 2000 students run out of their dorms screaming all scared. There I come and all the boy's are in their underway so I tell them to: 穿裤子 (wear pants) as the commotion settles, kinda funny seeing their situation, I bet the ghost is also laughing at them... Muwhahahahaha

Has got 2 potiental Hot Dates! Don't tell Alice.

But I must say the aura of my charisma continuously breaks all barriers and swoons the ladies. That's right, ssssssssh. Today 3pm on a college campus with friends a women with a vague recognition of me says hello. I struggled to remember how I know her, but it came back in a flash, she was one of the practicing teachers at our school in March and April. I didn't talk to her much then, and now since I realized she was graduating I thought hey, I probably won't see her again, but just for information sake I asked where she was from,(Most of the students at the college are not from the city its in), and it was a small town about 2 hours drive or so from here. The gears started moving and I just had to ask what her phone number was... yes that's right, I asked her for her number!!! How many of you girls have I asked for YOUR numbers huh? Most of the time I just pick it off of the phone book or www.canada411.com, but this time I was game, and I knew it, she could BARELY speak English, so I was bantering away in Chinese... obviously impressing her, so did I get her number? Heck YES! That's Numero uno.

The other number grab happened later that night, I mean today, later today. I was with some foreigner friends for a farewell dinner, since one was leaving this week. Apparently several people from other cities flew down to see him and his family off since they've been here for 10 years. Including another women from Hong Kong. Hong Kong? Well i've lived there for 2 months in the past year, we got loads to talk about! Find out that she's doing community development in the area helping out the villages using grass root techniques (no I'm not going to explain what that is- why? cause I don't know). Well I'm all keen on that kind of stuff so we talk and talk and talk for a good 5 minutes. Man I never talked so much in my life. But I knew this was the only opportunity i'd probably ever see her if I didn't put my Chri... charm (whoa that was a close one I ALMOST GAVE away my first name on my blog!!!) to action. And BAM, got her business card. I'm hotter the than a camp fire in an oven!