This week in short! Good bye 2006!

Dec 23 – Christmas feast with English Teachers from school Lunch – Mahajoong – Dinner (Had some of the BEST Chinese food ever including Meatballs) Day summary: Glutton.

Dec 24 – Meet up with Apple (from our Fathers house) and some of her friends. Then had Christmas Eve dinner with some foreigners here including a team from Australia, had a western style Christmas Feast. Then went to our Fathers house to celebrate Christmas there with many students that I met at he college.

Dec 25 – Woke up in the morning to go to school! That’s right its not a holiday. I went to an Elementary school to host a 20 minute game show to 3000 students from Grade 1 to Grade 6. It was the biggest Christmas celebration I’ve been in.

Dec 26 – Received the Best Christmas present ever! Sorry argyle socks of 2003 you will be sorely missed. A bunch of friends put together the best of Christmas Cheer in a package and sent it. Toffee, Christmas lights, candy canes, Crazy Cards, and a CD how they put it all together were just a few of the items, not to mention Short bread men in Psilone form (from Battle Star Galactica!)

Dec 27 – Prepare like mad for a 20 minute show in front of 3000 students at my school. I was one of 30 separate talent shows preformed by students from my school. My show had 3 parts: First retell a Chinese fable, using a funky Chinese accent(Similar to the voices of Chinese eunuchs in Chinese movies) with some Grade 8 students. Then have a contest Canada Verses China, in 4 specific area’s. Who can kick a soccer ball the longest, who can drink a bottle of coke the fastest (mine was loaded with MENTOS… hehe) who can eat the most hotdogs blindfolded … Of course I was only blindfolded for the first little while hehe, then ran to the other guy to make funny faces at him. And who can hold a headstand the longest (of course I had 2 helpers so I won!) In fact I won all the contests cause I cheated, so obviously the lesson to the students is clear, Cheat to Win!
Finally I put together some of the finest Technotronic music and told several classes to run up to the stage when they heard it. Let’s just say it was one awesome event over the next.

Dec 28 – Did the show.

I was exhausted, frustrated, sick with a cold for the entire week, but somehow, I made it through. I like to thank that big guy in the sky for all reminding me that its him. Not me.

Thank goodness for bowel movements

Otherwise I wouldn't have seen spectaclar metereo, or comet, or shooting star. Since I have to use the bathrooms on the school grounds some of which are father from the school then others, and I like to go to the farthest for the most privacy. It takes me through the football field. As I was coming out of the bathroom I noticed that the moon looked rather strange almost as if it were undergoing a lunar eclipse, but just at the same time I saw an object at the zenith, shooting across the sky. It wasn't a quick shooting start which happen in all but a flash, but rather I thought it was a rocket of some sort.. (and it may have been just that too) Its speed and luminostity was consistant for most of the time. It took about 10 seconds before it was out of view because of the horizen, not because it burned up. Really cool, so next time you need to go the bathroom, think about going outside rather than in, you could be watering or fertilizing to your grandma's backyard, and look then at the sky, you'll never know what you'll see! Or who you see you.

Notice all the grammar mistakes

In my previous post. Must be the Chinese influence. I've been started to refer to males as she and females as he. I've also started to stop using the plural form. Chris Go China. I will drop all definite and indefinite ariticles on posts from now on. Lets see how works.

Why do I have little to say these past few days?

Because i'm writing a Christimas Newsletter for you, well those of you that made it to my pretty execusive email list, hand picked and pruned every month to make sure only the finest quality friends know what i'm doing personnally and you won't have to worry about any word fudging cause of certain restrictions on what I can say here. I've got the grammar king working on it as we speak, so i'll send it as soon as I get teh grammar king seal of approval. Any guesses who the 'grammar king' might be?

Had an awesome day yesterday had two australians come for the whole day and see what my life is like at the school. Its so hard to put into words as you know I try really really hard on this blog. English corner rocked again! Too bad most of the austrilians will be leaving within the coming days. The few that i have become friends with will be staying till the second week of January. In the evening we when out to a cafe in town and well they asked for my testimony, after not being able to share something like that in full for like the past 1/2 year. I came out with the full version, guns blazing, blood letting, all details revealed. I probably will never do that again.

The night didn't come too soon enough as I experienced my second fever of my trip. Eitehr that or seizure, though i think it was a fever. It was welcome though since it has become rather cold here, even close to Thailand so it provided that extra warmth that allowed me to fall asleep. Feeling better today, so lets just hope for a no-peat tonight! Got to be open to eating lots of local foods tommorrow as the english teachers have invited me out for the whole day to eat lunch play mahajoong and then eat dinner.

OH I got a package for NA, thanks you guys! Love you lots! I didn't get it yet, cause the address it was sent to was not to my school but i'll be checking it out on sunday! I really really hope hope you got me optimus prime! I love that guy, oh and you did remember the prep-H right? You can't get that here in China.

So Christmas eve i'll be celebrating with the forieng workers here, and the Christmas day I get to celebrate with the number 1 elementary school! Yeeeehawww! Head are gonna be bopped and all hell 'll break loose! Best Christmas Expecations EVER!

Watched another Chinese movie at the theaters today

Everybody dies... oops.. did i spoil it again?

I have just made the students love me 100 more times

How?

By setting up some flashing Christmas lights on my window. I'm almost certain I won't get any work done now, they are just so dazzlingly hypnotic! Not to mention all teh attention it will draw by the students knocking on my window... *sigh* I love Christmas lights!

This week and next: Mayhem!

All the funny and awkward moments of the week as slowly oozing out from my memory, a warning in advice to what might be a rather dull and bland post. But lets see what I can make out of the week in piecemail!

Saw: 5 people on a motor bike... That's pretty good, considering the super buses in africa which fit like 100 people on to the back of a giant truck people dangling from the front back and sides, and makes my record of 8 or 9 people ( I can't remember now, but I think it was 9) in my honda accord seem rather null. (hicup - geek term.. null)

Saw: Secular Jesus outside the super grocery store, christmas decorations up even fake Christmas trees, I love westernization! Just like home

Used: More violence in the classroom. You knew that one was coming, admit it, anyway after a kid nearly cracked his head open cause the stool he was sitting on just decided to disenterate into its basic parts gave me not only a chance to make fun of the situation but teach the words 'fat, clumsy, dope, ... okay... i'm lieing' to teach the word broken. Happy? Well and later on I used the seat as a shield while studetns with the legs of the chair attacked me, -protect- was the word.

I also noticed 3 pairs of students who were sitting on the laps of other students and it was only until teh end of class that i noticed that the reason why they were donig that was not because they were really close friends or were emotionally depended on eachother but because there were previously broken stools in the classroom and well they weren't replaced so they apparently have the motto: tighten you belts. (can't wait to see 3 students sitting on one chair.

Climbed: on top of rather high hill. Great view. When I have time i'll post pictures.

Today: Talking to a chinese friend of mine, I gently told him the 'use' of the FiretrUCK word. I knew he didn't completely understand the context of its use so he was using it rather often for things that didn't demand it if anything. So he equated it with a chinese word that I have heard and seen on children cartoons (for those who are Chinese literate: 可恶) that basically means "RATS" in english, or "O'darn" well anyways I think he'll be a little more careful using it if at all. *edit* whoa, it makes me seem like I taught him that word... *creak* the dark side in me becons...*muwahahahahaha* but unfortunatly or fortunately it was him. He started it! for serious! He was using the word in the strangest of contexts so, i'd prefer he'd know how 'strong' some people can take offense to it.

umm second thoughts about violence...

So as I was teaching class today, (grade 8 equivalent) I'm walking down the aisles doing my crazy English teaching techniques with a kick here, and a hip bop there, and low and behold i see a knife that one of the students are playing around with, in their hand. The I give the word to the normal English teacher, hey I don't think its a good idea that he's got a knife... She just nods mindlessly and doesn't do anything about it. Okay, whatever, its not technically my class, he puts the knife back in his desk and I go back to ye old crazy teacher. I guess its a culture thing,cause in the states some schools have got metal detectors and such. Then again I see kids as young as 13 - 14 riding motorcycles with 2 to 4 of their buddies squeazed behind them, tally ho!

Then in the evening I had the most amazing English Corner with College aged students, which couldn't have happened if I didn't meet a team of 3 people from Austrailia.. (the Asians with freaken Austrailian Accents!) Anyways to get to the good part, the part your always dieing to hear, how is Chris gonna make this situatation hillarious or just outright weird, well as I came back to the school this evening I hear a 'hello' echo from one of the shops just outside the school, and yep its one of the 5 year old kids that i've gotten to know and love. Well I go to their shop and chat a little and play with their kid. Then I decide just out of helping him out to buy a sweet bun, some sort of sweet bread wrapped in a plastic bag of sorts. So I come home and start eating it, along with the imitation Nutella that i bought, one bite, two bites.. hey it tastes really good, especially with that Nutella stuff. I stop for a sec to put some dinner on the portable electric heating element. I come back and inspect the bread a little since it was at the bottem of the barrel at the store. I see some black ish green spots... MOLD? hmm I don't know cause there are brown spots all over the bread anyways since it has some red bean paste all over it. strange maybe i'll bite another part of the bread where there is no 'possible mold' then i see about 10 ants spring OUT of the bread from nowhere. Hmmmm, did I just eat 1/3 of the bread a moment ago? hmmm, I think I did... So lets just hope I dont' get too sick. But it tasted really good, so maybe mold and ants make a combination like peanutbutter and banana that noone would dare to try!?! Anyone else up for trying this combination?

What gives!?!I haven't posted in 6 days!

well if you would subscribe to my premium pay per view site then maybe you would. Quick highlights of the week. I called someone 'Osaka 9'. I thought it was really cool. An austrialian asian, (looks asian but has austrialian accent - which is still freaking me out!) had a shirt with 'Osaka 9' written on it. I didn't know his name so I just called him Osaka 9, and he eventually responded when everyone in the room but him knew what was going on. Kinda of a crappy way to get a nick name but you know, I hope it sticks and if it doesn't stick on him, how about you refering to me as Osaka 9? I'll change my MSN nickname right now in real time (some of you may be partaking of this momentous occassion).

Quick note 2: Randomly thing. Walking down the street today I saw a women, and in my head quickly came the thought... hmmm I wonder if she's a tourist or if she's from here? I hear this deep grinding sound coming from her throat and then a plosive sound coming from her lips. Catching a glance of the saliva laden muscusiod sphere that just erudicated from her mouth, my question was answered. She's from here.
Suicide attempt thwarted..

Ms X (for the sake of confidentiality), an English teacher who came here in the summer for the 3 week English program started to call me. She hasnt called me many times in fact last night was only her second time. Slightly strange, though she only wanted to practice English with me, along with everyone else here. So it was a little bit of an annoyance at first since I’m already busy enough as it is; to have another person to talk to in English seemed like the last thing I needed at this point in time. Though I kept a steady heart, and talked with her.

Then last night she called me again, I wasnt doing much but trying to overcome a headache and a stuffed nose. All seemed fine when she told me her boyfriend of 3 years broke up with her. This was very strange her telling me this since I didn’t know her that well, and would think that she might have others whom she could tell, she then went on to tell me that she attempted to take her life the last weekend and ended up in a hospital. I wanted to help her to console her, but my mandarin and her English levels where not at a level that we could. So I asked her if it was okay if a friend of mine here could call her who can console her. She said it was.

So the next day at church I talked to a teacher from this school and another foreign worker about what happened. It was recommended that a local C call and she called Ms X right away but apparently it seemed that she was fine today and was over it.

Which leaves me feeling very suspicious. Why would she trust me so much with this information? Did it really happen or did she just want to tell me something like this? (I believe it did but still.) I don’t believe that she had truly gotten over her emotions with him yet, but perhaps this day it has. If she calls me again about it, I think I will recommend her to call the teacher.

Who said violence has no education value?

So lets see, today I had one of the best classes ever, not cause they could understand English very well, or do what I asked them to. But because I was able to transform what would usually be a dry boring class (taught by the teacher - this is not meant as an insult, it is what I observed) into one that was exciting, where the students were asking for more English. A skill that would be wise to master. - Transform the classroom into a place of learning. So what were some of the secretes? using violence of course. Its one of the best ways to get there attention! Serious! Sure the police were called, and some students reprimanded but .. okay, just kidding, now I'm exaggerating too much he he. So Had to teach them the word dangerous right? Whats more dangerous then a English teacher handling a pair of razor sharp Damascus steel scissors?

Not only did I pretend to hit students, stab students, and threaten to cut their hair many times over, I also pretended to shoot several students... One of them in particular I shot over and over.

Great for teaching the words, unfair, solider, afraid, mistake, frustrating really! Sure some people might gawk at such a proclamation, but if the TV can teach children violence! So can I! Okay they were more like 15 - 16 year old's. But it was a blast! Afterwards the teacher came to me and told me, this is the way I want to teach, can you show me if you have time? (This is one of the first times a teacher asked for professional development right after a class, even SHE was excited!) I'm gonna have to show her the chainsaw game that I came up with. Hopefully the rack that I ordered will be finished by next week so I can use in the classroom... What's that? don't know what the meaning of 'mistake' is? well well!

After class I saw two kids playing underneath the ping pong tables probably 4 and 6, brother and sister. I hung around them a little, and then they started to say things to me I didn't' understand. And they bent over, with their butts facing me and pointed at them(there butts that is). I don't know if that's some sort of greeting that I haven't come across yet, but I'll be sure to use it the next time some emissaries come over to visit the school. I bet they will be quite surprised... Maybe they'll give me some award for it.

Still not finished yet, then as I was walking back to my room, another kid perhaps no more then 3 years old walking with his grandfather spotted me, and started running towards me. Sensing I was in danger I started to run away, but he caught up to me while running around the motorcycle several times knocked me over and started to beat me senseless... I'm lucky his grandfather was there just in time to stop the beating. The toddler must have known i was treating the students badly in class today with violence. He's wise to me, I better watch my back or you might not see me next year.

Watching

6 hours of dragon ball Z can be quite draining... man, I have to be careful with that cartoony stuff. This unlimited access to chinese TV via the internet can be a dangerous thing. We all know dragon ball Z is one of the finest Japanese animated cartoons. It really set the bar... and when I mean set the bar, I mean even a baby could crawl over it. But its a great way to practice my listening skills. I wish I found it much earlier. Now I wasn't glued to my computer screen for the 6 hours, but it was much like background radiation, listening to teh chinese while working on other things. Really. Though when there was a fight of galactic proportions I can't just sit focused on lesson planning. Boom! Awesome, simply amazing! Go dragon ball Z Go!